Fishandchips

Fish and chips. Two words that go together so well that it's almost like they should be one word - "fishandchips". Are there any two words in the English language that go together as well?  How about pension and cheque? "Pensioncheque". That has a nice sound to it too but what is the connection? Read on...

Everyone loves fish and chips and if anyone says they don't I expect that to be a lie of sorts. Even the Beatles love fish and chips - if you don''t believe me, click here to see what I mean. And we don't eat them enough any more, now that we know they are so bad for our health, what with all the grease and vinegar and batter and salt. Is your mouth watering too?

I have had fish and chips many times and in many ways - homemade, takeout and eat in. Fredericton has had some famous fish and chip shops and I have eaten at them all. Frank's on the Exhibition grounds was my favorite followed by the Lucky Lunch. Ozzie's down by St. Andrew's serves world class fish and chips, and I have had them in Vancouver at a famous place called "The Only Seafood" where you stood patiently in a long line just to get served what may be the best fish and chips in the world. 
But one of the most memorable times I had fish and chips was when Mom came to our place at Kelly's Court and bought us all fish and chips from Deluxe French Fries. What is so memorable about that you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

Mom bought them for us with her very own money - her first old age pension cheque. It was probably the first money that was totally hers since she had been a shop girl back in Scotland. She was celebrating. Not only the money but the fact that she had just come from a check up with Dad at the hospital and he was getting better. His cancer was "in remission" - another two words that go together very well. So Mom was pulling out all the stops - it was fish and chips for all and she was paying.

My parents were not rich – far from it. That just made whatever they gave all the more special – one of life’s many ironies I think you will agree. And for Mom to just pull that cash out of her purse and order up a feast for us all to celebrate must have felt pretty good...  I know it sure tasted good.

So have your own celebration one of these days - celebrate whatever you like but I suggest you do it sooner than later. And do it with extra batter, lots of vinegar, tartar sauce and what the hell - pass that salt shaker!

Millionaire!

This may come as a big surprise to anyone who knows me but - I am a millionaire! Yes - a millionaire!

I just did the math and a few simple calculations prove beyond a doubt that I have indeed passed the million dollar mark quite some time ago.

Of course, I haven’t got my million dollars all at one time and stacked up in a big pile. The way I see it, that would make me a miser, not a millionaire. I am more of a "moveable" millionaire if you will - the money just keeps passing through.

McDonalds claims to have served over 245 billion burgers but where are those burgers now? Gone - just like my million dollars. But don't get me wrong - I am not bitter. In fact the truth is I had a lot of fun with my million dollars and did a lot of good. It is true that I blew most of it on food and shelter, clothing, toys, furniture and cars. But I wasn't totally frivolous with my million dollars - I also gave a good portion of it away.

To institutions like the government, insurance companies, public utilities, banks and charities. This type of selfless investment kept me and my family warm and safe while keeping countless others employed along the way. So I guess that makes me a bit of a philanthropist too... who knew?

I am not finished being a millionaire either – it takes a long time and it is an ongoing process. The world needs more millionaires like me - we keep countries afloat and the wheels of industry turning by letting that money flow through our hands. With the economy in such trouble and the state of the world in general, maybe you better get your calculator out and see if you can help – you might be a millionaire too. Just like me.

Lessons Learned

On this Father's Day I thought it might be appropriate to review some lessons learned and unlearned from my father...

Swimming lessons - throw kid as far into lake as possible, repeat until kid swims or drowns

Bike lessons - launch under-sized kid as fast as possible on over-sized bike

Driving lessons - explain patiently in a calm, quiet voice that "THAT IS THE #%$*ING CLUTCH!!"

Relaxing lessons - snore loudly through entire episodes of the Monkees and Batman

Eating lessons - try new things - raw liver, horse radish, celery flavoured oatmeal

Sports lessons - watch entire seasons of hockey while sound asleep

Mowing lessons - get two ride on mowers, one that only goes and one that only cuts - pull the latter behind the former

Dental hygiene - Dentist Schmentist! pull all loose teeth with thumb nail

Home renovation - why do it right when you can do it now!

Preventive Maintenance - "If it ain't broke - fix it until it is."

Music lessons - from Doc Watson on 78 to Boxcar Willie on 8 track 

These "lessons" are not in any way meant to be disrespectful of my father - I could never do that. Besides, he is up there in Heaven helping to hold the place together with bent coat hangers and duct tape, waiting for me and I am pretty sure he is still wearing a belt.

There are also a few lessons I did not learn. Like how to grow a successful garden - guess I should have paid more attention. Or how to go to war and how to bravely face a terrible disease - hope I never have to learn those lessons. And finally how to face the end with dignity - I guess I will have to wait and see about that. Meanwhile I think I will try to remember what I have learned already and keep working on that gardening.