Brother Can You Spare a Tree?

Don't worry, this is not my Christmas story – I am still working on that masterpiece. This is just a little seasonal anecdote that I thought I might share to pass the time and hopefully give my faithful readers a chuckle or two.

A few years ago when we lived in a large house downtown, I decided to put a small Christmas tree on the front porch roof for all to enjoy. As usual I didn’t want to spend a lot of money so I thought I would go off to the local farmer’s market on a Saturday morning in early December to look for a smallish, cheapish tree. Also, as usual, I did not have much money with me – in fact for some reason I only had five dollars and eighty six cents - but how much could a small tree cost anyway?

I was browsing around the tree lot and there were some real beauties on display - seven, eight and nine feet tall. The prices seemed to range from about $40.00 and up, a little out of my range, but I was undeterred. I saw a man with a pick up truck full of what appeared to be smaller, less cultured trees so I wandered over to have a look. I told him what I had in mind and he held up a few candidates, some six footers that went for around $30. "Do you have something smaller?" I asked – "it is only for display outside on the porch". And lo and behold he reached under the truck and pulled out just what I was looking for – it was just over 4 feet tall, kind of scraggly but it would do fine for my porch roof. "How much?" I asked – and when he replied “How about six dollars?” I knew that with a little Yuletide haggling it would be mine.

Now just as I was reaching into my pocket for my $5.86, it so happened that my friend Mike Kennedy, a Saturday market regular, was walking by. Mike is a fine Irishman who never passes up an opportunity to point out my inherent Scottish "tendencies".

“Watch that cheap Scottish bast...” he had begun to joke with the tree merchant just as he heard me making my stingy offer of $5.86 - the timing cold not have been more perfect! Mike got to witness me in all my Scottish glory - haggling over fourteen cents on a Christmas tree and I think it might have made his day.

Anyway, I got the tree - put it up later that afternoon in a big wind and caught a miserable cold that stayed with me throughout most of the Christmas season. I doubt that there is much to be learned from this little story but I can't help thinking there is a moral here somewhere, maybe something Dickensian or even Biblical?  But upon further consideration I think Mike was right after all - it's just a little Christmas story about a cheap Scottish bast...