Millionaire!

This may come as a big surprise to anyone who knows me but - I am a millionaire! Yes - a millionaire!

I just did the math and a few simple calculations prove beyond a doubt that I have indeed passed the million dollar mark quite some time ago.

Of course, I haven’t got my million dollars all at one time and stacked up in a big pile. The way I see it, that would make me a miser, not a millionaire. I am more of a "moveable" millionaire if you will - the money just keeps passing through.

McDonalds claims to have served over 245 billion burgers but where are those burgers now? Gone - just like my million dollars. But don't get me wrong - I am not bitter. In fact the truth is I had a lot of fun with my million dollars and did a lot of good. It is true that I blew most of it on food and shelter, clothing, toys, furniture and cars. But I wasn't totally frivolous with my million dollars - I also gave a good portion of it away.

To institutions like the government, insurance companies, public utilities, banks and charities. This type of selfless investment kept me and my family warm and safe while keeping countless others employed along the way. So I guess that makes me a bit of a philanthropist too... who knew?

I am not finished being a millionaire either – it takes a long time and it is an ongoing process. The world needs more millionaires like me - we keep countries afloat and the wheels of industry turning by letting that money flow through our hands. With the economy in such trouble and the state of the world in general, maybe you better get your calculator out and see if you can help – you might be a millionaire too. Just like me.

Lessons Learned

On this Father's Day I thought it might be appropriate to review some lessons learned and unlearned from my father...

Swimming lessons - throw kid as far into lake as possible, repeat until kid swims or drowns

Bike lessons - launch under-sized kid as fast as possible on over-sized bike

Driving lessons - explain patiently in a calm, quiet voice that "THAT IS THE #%$*ING CLUTCH!!"

Relaxing lessons - snore loudly through entire episodes of the Monkees and Batman

Eating lessons - try new things - raw liver, horse radish, celery flavoured oatmeal

Sports lessons - watch entire seasons of hockey while sound asleep

Mowing lessons - get two ride on mowers, one that only goes and one that only cuts - pull the latter behind the former

Dental hygiene - Dentist Schmentist! pull all loose teeth with thumb nail

Home renovation - why do it right when you can do it now!

Preventive Maintenance - "If it ain't broke - fix it until it is."

Music lessons - from Doc Watson on 78 to Boxcar Willie on 8 track 

These "lessons" are not in any way meant to be disrespectful of my father - I could never do that. Besides, he is up there in Heaven helping to hold the place together with bent coat hangers and duct tape, waiting for me and I am pretty sure he is still wearing a belt.

There are also a few lessons I did not learn. Like how to grow a successful garden - guess I should have paid more attention. Or how to go to war and how to bravely face a terrible disease - hope I never have to learn those lessons. And finally how to face the end with dignity - I guess I will have to wait and see about that. Meanwhile I think I will try to remember what I have learned already and keep working on that gardening.

Matthew 25:35

Jesus cleaned my windshield last Saturday afternoon. Yes - you read that right. And not only that, but he also provided me with a free hot dog and a cold drink of water too. And as with so many of my stories, it seems that an explanation is called for...

Last Saturday was a beautiful day and I was working around the yard getting caught up on a number of tasks. Painting the garden shed, washing my motorcycle, mowing the lawn etc. I needed gas for my lawnmower so I drove down to the local Irving and started filling up my gas can. To my surprise not one, but two smiling attendants greeted me and offered to wash my windshield. My suspicions were immediately aroused but I replied that I would indeed love my windshield washed and they both started scrubbing away - one at the front and one at the back.

As they worked away one of them informed me that I was welcome to help myself to free hot dogs and bottled water too... now I was really suspicious. After all - this was an Irving station, and they charge for air! But it was right around noon and I suddenly realized that I was both hungry and thirsty.

After I paid for my gas I looked at the card one of the windshield washers had given me and it explained that today was Love Fredericton Day - sponsored by several local church groups. That explained the smiling, eager service I had received at the pumps. It also explained the group of excited young kids and teenagers who were bustling around the parking lot - what I had assumed was a car wash for charity.

As I was fixing up my hot dog another car drove up and the driver was offered free hot dogs and water just like me. He seemed to hesitate and as he reached for his wallet to make a donation I heard one little guy explain loudly and with all sincerity that there was no charge, it was all to show that God loves us.

And why shouldn't he? It was a beautiful day - the yard was full of happy, sincere people putting their faith to work in a simple way that we can all relate to. Clean windshields, free hot dogs and a cold drink of water on a hot day. Amen to that.

By the way - if you are not familiar with the biblical verse referenced in the title - look it up. You can use a Bible if you have one handy, but go ahead and use Google if you prefer, God won't mind a bit.

Fiddleheadin'

Fiddlehead season arrived late this year due to the unseasonably cold weather and high water but that wasn’t going to stop me. On a cold, wet and windy Saturday morning I headed out to my favorite spot to see what the crop was like this year. I drove as far as I could to my destination but I knew I would have to make the rest of the way on foot. I knew exactly where to go and before long I spotted what looked like a nice patch of green and so I headed that way. 

A wise picker always arrives early to get the best selection but a quick look around the area told me I wasn’t alone. The folks ahead of me were taking their sweet time but I was patient - I let them know I was there but kept my distance and waited until they had moved on. I am very choosy when it comes to picking fiddleheads and I like to search out the big ones.

I was pleased to see that the others were observing proper picking etiquette which dictates that you take only what you need, move on and leave some for the next guy. I’ll admit the crop looked a little picked over, but that just meant I had to dig a little deeper and search a little harder for the good ones… I knew it would be worth the effort.

I’ll admit it was cold on the hands but that is just the price you have to pay. The fiddleheads were wet as if they had just been soaked and it was quite chilly and my fingers were growing numb; for a minute I wondered if it was worth all the bother. But fiddleheads are such a rare treat that I pressed on, proud of myself for upholding such a proud and hearty New Brunswick tradition.

Some other early risers had spotted me and were looking eager to share in the bounty so after filling my bag to the top I was ready to move on.  My wet, aching fingers reminded me that I had parked quite a long way off so I decided to call it a day and head for home while my treasures were still fresh. I got a twist tie to secure my load, placed the plastic bag into my shopping cart and quickly made my way to the Express Checkout line. And that was when I wondered again if it was worth the cost – $4.99 a pound can really add up! Good thing I only picked a half a pound...

Maybe next year I’ll be more adventurous, avoid the crowd at Sobeys and do my picking the old fashioned way, down closer to the river - at the Victory Meat Market. Maybe I’ll see you there…