DIGITAL DONUTS!

Get this. In only a few short years I will be sending you another kind of digital donut - the kind that you can actually eat. Impossible you say? Read on...
 
This is a hot topic so I have to get this blog out right away. 3D food printers are on the way! This is not science fiction - you are looking at one right now! Regular 3D printers have been around for quite some time - in fact I have seen them at work on Base Gagetown. They have a system that prints out actual 3D scale models of soldiers, vehicles and buildings for strategic planning of battle scenes etc. It was only a small leap of logic before the minds behind this sort of technology discovered that they could add the element of edible textures and flavours. And now the flood gates are open...

Even as you read this, there are food printers being developed that can be loaded with cartridges containing the ingredients required to print out 3D replicas of almost any food you can imagine. Chocolate cake, lasagna, seafood, chicken - anything that can be liquefied, melted and squeezed out of a nozzle. Even donuts - especially donuts!
These food printers are being tested in manufacturing plants and research facilities now and it is estimated that they will be in your home within 5 years.

And once this revolution is in full swing who knows where it will lead? Imagine downloading a recipe, loading the correct cartridges of ingredients, press a button and dinner is served. Sounds a little "Star Trekkie" but it is a reality today.

So just remember you read it here first (or second if you already read it somewhere else first) and get in line for some digital donuts - coming soon to a printer near you. Would you like yours printed with Justin Bieber's face on it? No problem....

Books II

Good day class. Today's lecture is on the impact of the industrial revolution on the publishing industry in the mid nineteenth century. Hello.... still there? Class.... anyone?

Actually the topic of this blog is about as dry as it sounds and I fear only the most steadfast readers will proceed. Some of you may have read my recent blog entry (Books 1) about reading and the future of electronic books in the digital age.  This topic started me thinking about the past and how different the world of publishing is today.

My favorite author without a doubt is Charles Dickens and I can't help think that were he alive today he would be 100% in favour of this new technology. After all, he popularized the reading of fiction among the general population in a time when many couldn't even afford to buy a book due to the high cost of publishing. He cleverly wrote his books in weekly and monthly installments which were sold for a few pennies or serialized in newspapers making them affordable to the working class.

In the mid 1800s books and newspapers were published using the typesetting method which meant that each letter of each word was manually set in a hand held frame and then inserted into a printing press where it was inked and printed. I mention this only to illustrate the incredible strides that have been made in the publishing world since that time. It was also an era when great improvements were being made in transportation making it possible for books to be distributed and sold virtually worldwide.

Recently I was inspecting some microfilm of an early New Brunswick newspaper from 1847 and was thrilled to find a serialized chapter of "Dombey and Son" by Charles Dickens which was written earlier that same year. Imagine how that came about! Starting with a hand written manuscript, a copy would be sent by ship from England to New Brunswick where it would have been manually typeset, printed and sold on the streets to eager readers awaiting the next installment. The amount of work and effort involved is almost impossible to imagine. Unfortunately Charles Dickens did not make much money from this process as international copyrights did not exist at the time.

In contrast to the labour intensive and time consuming process described above, I just downloaded a free copy of "Dombey and Son" - the entire book including illustrations was complete in under two seconds. As amazing as this is, the thought of typesetters assembling each letter of each word (upside down and backwards, no less!) of every printed page is equally astounding to me.

This concludes our lesson for the day and those of you who are still awake are to be commended for your tenacity, stamina and patience. I was going to assign a 5000 word essay but your undivided attention has proven that you are scholars as well as true seekers of knowledge. A passing grade is assigned to all - class is dismissed.

DRIVEWAY REPORT

7:43 PM February 16, 2011:

MAINTENANCE PERSONNEL ADVISE DRIVEWAY SURFACE AT 30 BRIGHTON CT SNOW PACKED WITH BARE CENTER STRIP..... WHEELING IS FAIRLY GOOD WITH SLIPPERY SECTIONS NEAR THE BIG PINE TREE..... HEAVY DRIFTING REPORTED AROUND THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE WITH ICY SECTIONS NEAR SHED.

EXTRA CAUTION ADVISED AT INTERSECTION OF DRIVEWAY AND PATH LEADING TO MAILBOX.... AN ALERT HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR THE ENTIRE DRIVEWAY AND TRAFFIC HAS BEEN REDUCED TO ONE LANE.... OVERNIGHT PARKING IS RESTRICTED TO CARPORT.

VISIBILITY FAIR TO POOR DUE TO UNUSUALLY HIGH SNOW BANKS.... TRAFFIC ADVISORY HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR SLUSHY AREA NEAR THE ROAD.... REDUCED SPEED SHOULD BE USED WHEN EXITING DRIVEWAY ON GARBAGE DAY.... WALKWAYS ARE REPORTED TO BE IN MODERATE CONDITION DUE TO SLIGHT DRIFTING IN EXPOSED AREAS.

WARMING TREND FORECAST FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS WILL HOPEFULLY ALLOW EXHAUSTED STAFF TO TAKE WELL DESERVED BREAK.... PLEASE!!

Bee Mine

When I was growing up Valentine's Day was the most unromantic day of the year. After all, it was for kids and what did kids know or care about all that smoochy stuff? It certainly had nothing to do with love or sex or romance like it does today.

Valentine's Day was more about friendship and popularity - in other words, it was all about the numbers. Before Facebook and social networking Valentine's Day was a rare opportunity to tally up all your friends  - and what better way than by counting your Valentines. 

And it was about as accurate as Facebook too; in a well meaning attempt to keep things fair and equitable, the general rule was that everyone had to give a Valentine to everyone. So if there were 30 kids in your class you got 30 Valentines. I suppose there were some kids who received more than their share and some who came up a little short. But as the great philosopher Frank Sinatra once said - "That's life. That's what all the people say. You're either ridin' high in April - or shot down in May."

But for love sick, shy kids like me, Valentine's Day was the one day of the year when you could throw caution to the wind and finally tell that cute little girl in your class that she was the one for you. Of course you didn't do it in person - you did it by sending her a cheap Valentine that said something cryptic like "Eye A Door U" or the even more suggestive "Bee My Honey".  Hot stuff when you are nine years old! Then there were the generic "Howdy Pardner" or "You're Swell" Valentine cards to give to the boys in your class or to the less attractive girls - wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea now, would we?

So in keeping with the all inclusive, generic, gender neutral Valentine policy of my youth, I just want to say I think you're swell and wish you a Happy Valentine's Day, Pardner!

Fuckery and Hullabaloo

Our door bell has been defective for about two years. It was accidentally damaged by a wayward paint roller the first day we moved in and has never been right. Due to a bent chime it would no longer go Ding for the side door and Ding Dong for the front door - instead it went Ding for both. So we never knew which door to answer - I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but there have been some close calls. Answer the wrong door and you just might find yourself face to face with a Jehovah's Witness or miss out on a box of Girl Guide cookies. Obviously something had to be done...

I suggested putting up a sign at the side door that said Ring Once and one at the front door that said Ring Twice - problem solved, total cost $0.00 and both my Scottish mother and Handyman father would have been proud. But that would have been too simple wouldn't it? And besides, any idiot can fix a doorbell, right? So I bought a simple new door chime kit with lots of helpful installation instructions and after much fuckery and hullabaloo it was determined that it did not match up with our ancient 10 volt transformer. The best we could get was a ding for the side door and a muffled wheeze for the front door and it was downhill from there.

At this point I made the mistake of researching door bells on the internet - I had no idea there was such a fascinating world of door bells out there! There are beautiful wood grain sculptures with polished chimes, programmable door bells that play custom recorded songs and messages for any occasion. Biometric doorbells that scan your eyeballs and read your fingerprints! There are wireless door bells shaped like parrots, horses, porpoises - even talking Homer Simpson door bells! But alas such luxuries are not to be afforded in our modest doorbell budget, so back to the store I went and bought another model of the proper rating to match our good old transformer and then home again jiggedy jig. End of story - right? Wrong.

After much more fuckery and hullabaloo involving complicated schematics, advanced math, trial and error and black magic, the net result is that we now have no doorbell at all - no ding, no dong. But that is OK because now our defective doorbell fits right in with our misfiring gas fireplace, our non-toasting toaster and fuse-blowing cook top stove.

I realize these issues seem frivolous and petty and I would be more than willing to lend a sympathetic ear to anyone who cares to visit and share a cup of tea while we chat about the world's problems. Please feel free to drop by anytime, but it might be a good idea to call first and when you get here don't forget to knock - LOUD!